me, bursting through your bedroom wall in a shower of dust: bUT that hug before they go onstage is what we’ve always wanted from One Direction, and that’s what makes them unsustainable as a phenomenon. What we always wanted from them was what they did not give to us intentionally
you: wh
me, briskly removing my shoes and shaking fragments of rubble out of them: One Direction is perhaps the first band to exist entirely within the Panopticon, from the very beginning, and yet even that was not enough for us. Can you imagine how difficult it would become to hold onto a “self” when what people want most from you are the moments of your life that specifically are NOT FOR THEM? It wasn’t just what they DID, we wanted to know what they FELT, constantly. We demanded to know but we did not want to be TOLD. The knowledge could only be “authentic” if it was not meant for us
you: why are you in my house
me, climbing into your bed and pulling your blankets up to my chin: The endless “documentaries,” the social media – we had an unprecedented, and unprecedentedly intimate, degree of access to these people, and still what we valued most were secrets and accidents. What we wanted was their interiority, and when we could not have that we invented it. Wouldn’t you resent having to constantly be GRATEFUL for that grasping, rapacious love? I would
you: are you crying?
me: We wanted to love them by devouring them, and now we have nothing to eat but our own hearts. can you bring me a hot water bottle
actually I want to write an essay about how all the one direction members have been essentially forced by public expectation to verbalize their grief on social media only a day after liam’s death & then some of them (namely harry! lol) being scrutinized for their posts seeming ’calculated’ / ’written by PR’ / not ’genuine enough’. like. so what if they are? Imagine your childhood best friend dies and millions of people are waiting for you to say something that helps them deal with their parasocial grief. and then that very fame & loss of privacy being the thing that you all went through together as essentially children & the repercussions of that likely being a contributing factor to your friend’s death. the cycle. anyway. none of them owe us shit
Just came to tumblr bc of these sad news and saw you on mi tl. I remember your blog and you from back in the day and it made me smile seeing your familiar username and pic. Ivent been here for years so i just hope you’re alright and life is going good. I wish we were here for a different reason though.
Anonymous
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This message made me smile. It’s wild seeing posts from people I haven’t seen in years. But it’s comforting. I too wish we were here for a different reason. But it’s one part of death that is strangely beautiful to me. Life takes everyone all over but we come together when it counts. It cements what a fundamental impact 1D, the fandom, all of it, had on us all
I’m quite well, life has been good to me the last few years and I’m doing my best to enjoy the hell out of it. I hope the same can be said for you 🩵
